Challenging Ageism with Self-Compassion

Age Perception and Lifespan

Aging brings changes, and with those changes comes the need for more self-compassion. We can be really hard on ourselves over small things—like forgetting a name or walking into a room and thinking, “Wait, why did I come in here?”

It happens to me occasionally. I’ll go upstairs for something, only to stand there wondering what it was. Sometimes I remember right away—no big deal. Other times, I have to go back downstairs before it clicks.

Instead of getting frustrated with myself, I see it differently: that’s two sets of stair climbing exercises!

The fight against ageism starts in the mirror!

We can challenge negative perceptions of aging in meaningful and empowering ways, but we have to start with ourselves. That’s where self-compassion comes in and according to the American Society on Aging, changing how we perceive getting older can add years to our lives.

We can start with a positive internal dialog to counter negative stereotypes.

“Aging is living. It is a gift not everyone experiences.”

“I have accumulated meaningful experiences and wisdom over my lifetime.”

“I don’t need to look young to be worthy, loved, or respected.”

“My brain is capable of learning and growing at any age. It’s never too late to learn.”

ABC’s “Good Morning America” starting this week focused on aging with one of the hosts wearing an aging suit from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) AgeLab. While the segment was intended to build empathy for the elderly and their “everyday life.” I talked with several octogenarians who were offended by the portrayal.

One of them fired off an email to ABC Daytime programming after watching the segment. “How to better understand aging by experiencing life as the elderly do,” a title on the GMA Wellness page, portrays most 70 or 80-year-olds living with impaired, restricted lifestyles and being unable to perform routine tasks.

GMA’s intention of extending empathy was well-meaning, their execution in delivering the segment could use improvement. The MIT News in January 2023 describes the suit as a simulation of “some of what it may feel like to live in one’s early 80s.” Their statement sounds less ageist.

“The single most important factor in determining longevity—more important than gender, income, social background, loneliness or functional health—is how people think about and approach the idea of old age,” said Dr. Becca Levy, Yale School of Public Health.

Everyone ages differently. If you have met one eighty or ninety-year-old, you’ve met one. There are eleven octagenerians in my phone’s contact list. Six are relatives and the other five are friends, and their lifestyles run the gamut from living in their homes (8 of them) to living with a family member or in an assisted living facility. Most drive, three of them still drive on the interstate and haven’t had a driving violation in decades. I volunteered with a woman in AARP Indianapolis who drove South to visit family members—alone—well into her 80s.

If you haven’t read the September 9th post, “Getting Old Starts Young” please take a look.

https://open.substack.com/pub/1brendaljohnson/getting-old-starts-young?r=4sj6h&utm_medium=ios

The message is our lifestyle, health habits, and mindset in our 30s, 40s, and 50s will impact our lives in our 60s, 70s, 80s, and beyond. It is more difficult to see the glass half full and be optimistic about aging in our 70s, if we have convinced ourselves the glass was half empty for the past 60 years. If your thoughts tilt negative, it is not all your fault.

We can debate this if you like, no one said the glass had to be full of water!

Negative thinking is a byproduct of evolution. Our cavemen ancestors knew focusing on threats was critical for survival, so our brains evolved to prioritize and quickly learn from negative information over positive experiences. Neuropsychologist, Rick Hanson, describes brains as being “Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones,” meaning negative experiences stick more easily in our memory than positive ones. While we may be wired for negativity, we can retrain our brains to foster more positive frames of mind. That is a future blog post!

Ageism Awareness Day is Thursday, October 9th. Spread the word. Aging is Living!