Confessions of a Birthday Aficionado

Party Your Way, Or Not

I descend from a family of a celebrators. The eldest, Aunt Charlene (at 97 years) and young Xavier (at 2 years) had birthday celebrations in March and April this year. My family can turn nearly occasion into jubilation.

Mom’s 80th with a cousin and aunt.

What would be a staid funeral in most families is injected with uplifting gospel music from Uncle Will, a renowned professional bass player, and his musical colleagues. The weddings? Off the charts! However, my family is most known for birthday celebrations.

From a young age, birthdays are positioned as “your personal holiday.” When birthdays fall on weekdays, we would often have an ‘ice cream and cake’ party at the honoree’s home or a small restaurant dinner gathering. Milestone birthdays, usually have small weekday soirée followed with weekend festivities.

Dylan at one of his many Bday celebrations turning 10 y.o.

Like anything else in life, timing is everything. When I was born as the first grandchild of my generation, the family was more prosperous than relatives born in the 1930s and 1940s. I was also born at the end of May when family members hosted our Memorial Day BBQ, so I was guaranteed a party. That is how my birthday mindset was formed and over time the celebrations became more elaborate. For my 21st birthday, my mother and stepfather hosted a large family dinner at The Millionaire’s Club at the Ford City Mall.

The photo book of my 3-day 50th Birthday celebration

The restaurant name was definitely a misnomer. There were no millionaires at the mall-based chain of 8 restaurants in the Chicago-area and it’s only cachet was the plastic membership card. They ceased operations in 1980.

Over the decades I’ve curated birthday celebrations everywhere! One of my favorites was participating in Hands Across America with California friends and neighbors for my 29th Bday. After the merriment about twenty of us participated in a volunteer activity. My friend, Robin coordinated the Mediterranean Cruise for our Big 4-0 with friends and parents. Las Vegas for a girls weekend was the setting for celebrating 59 years on the planet with the Gospel Brunch at the House of Blues, visiting the Titanic exhibit at the Luxor and winning big! My 61st birthday at a beachside luau in Maui with Mom will always hold a special place in my heart. Unbeknownst to us, it was our final trip together to our favorite destination.

The Feast at Lele, Lahaina, Maui May 2018

Although most of the celebrations are quieter and closer to home, my family and closest friends know, “I am a Birthday Person.” They play along with calls and texts. The cards are prominently displayed for at least a week. (I appreciate you.)

Over the years, I have become more aware of reasons people do not celebrate their birthdays in the over-the-top style I grew up experiencing. In college I met my first friend who did not acknowledge her birthday. It was because of her family’s religious beliefs. In the dorm we had a bulletin board with everyone’s birthday’s listed for the month (except hers) and while she didn’t condemn our traditions, she also taught us to respect hers.

I’ve met many people in my professional life, who prefer not to make a big deal at work (in the days when we worked 100% in the office.) They preferred to keep their work life and personal life separate while others didn’t like the social pressure and attention celebrating a birthday with co-workers would bring.

There are others who prefer to focus on everyday life and observe their birthday as just another day, not a special event. They also may not want the pressure of a gift exchange and prefer a more low-key acknowledgment. More recently, I met friends who have experienced negative experiences associated with their birthdays and celebrating could potentially trigger negative feelings. They prefer to spend birthdays as a time of solitude or personal time.

“Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.” —John Lennon