So Many Lonely People

Is Loneliness an Epidemic?

Q: What do these songs have in common?

The Friends of Distinction’s “Love or Let Me Be Lonely” (1970)

The Beatles’ Eleanor Rigby (1966),

Bill Wither’s Ain’t No Sunshine (1971)

Chris Stapleton’s Either Way (2017) (Ive 2023)

Three Dog Night’s One (1969) (originally by Harry Nilsson in 1968)

Bee Gees’ Lonely Days, Lonely Nights (1990)

Green Day’s Boulevard of Broken Dreams (2004),

The Manhattan’s Just the Lonely Talking Again (1983) (Whitney Houston-1987)

America’s Lonely People (1974),

Hank Williams’ “I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry”(1949) (Hank William’s Jr. 1964)

Eric Carmen’s “All By Myself” (1975)

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A: All of these titles and a hundred more address the emotion of loneliness

In music, loneliness has been a hot topic for decades from Delta Blues through today. I feel like loneliness in the 21st Century is unique.

As a young adult, I remember a surprise pop-in visit to a lonely family member at the nursing home or their assisted-living apartment would leave a mutual good feeling. They were happy and I felt great that my brief visit meant so much.

Dr. Petros Levounis, President of the American Psychiatric Association (APA), reports that 30% of survey respondents ages 18-34 said they feel lonely every day or several times a week.

How does the APA define loneliness? Lack of meaningful or close relationships or a lack of a sense of belonging. Half of the 18 to 34-year-olds in the APA study eased their loneliness by watching TV, listening to podcasts, and interacting with social media. Researchers are split on whether technology helps people develop deep relationships and a sense of belonging.

What about loneliness at 40+ and beyond? We know remote working during the pandemic kept people apart and now some employees are resistant to returning to an office.

It is also true, that many people enjoy their solitude. They are around people when they want to be and can retreat into being alone and doing whatever they please. However, this may shift when older adults have changes in health or lose their spouse.

When loneliness begins leading to depression or a decline in physical health, it is time to talk to a healthcare professional.

I wasn’t quite sure of the distinction between loneliness and social isolation. Loneliness is the distressing feeling of being alone or separated from others. Social isolation is the lack of social contacts and having few people to interact with regularly.

There are resources online with tips and strategies to cope with both situations along with visiting your Employee Assistance Plan professional if you are actively working. (Note: I am a BIG fan of the Employee Assistance Plan benefit offered through most health plans after spending a decade in Human Resources focused on Employee Health & Wellness.)

There is a unique loneliness family caregivers experience. My friend in North Carolina ended her career early and moved her father from New York when he could no longer live independently. Her husband modified their home.

It was a lonely role for many years. Whether they had healthcare professionals helping them in-home or not, family caregivers are often disconnected from their former lifestyle and social support network. They took advantage of respite care to give all three of them a break.

She would tell me no one understands caregiving unless you are doing it. I believed her. My friend also taught me that when she called and needed to vent, my role was not to offer advice. Just listen. I did.

Loneliness and social isolation are difficult, yet important subjects and will continue to be addressed here.