The Urge to Compare
Resist, Resist, Resist
This week I was surprised reading a social media post by a 71-year-old woman asking how she should feel at this age. Her sincere question had 487 comments and mine was among them. In retrospect, why was I surprised she didn’t know how to navigate being in her 70s?
When I was thirteen, my paternal grandmother was 70-years-old. She didn’t work and neither did her friends. She wore stockings knotting them at the thigh and never felt comfortable navigating pantyhose. Throughout her life, she never had a driver’s license. There was always someone to take her to the grocery store, a doctor’s appointment, and the shopping mall. In 1900, when she was born, the overall life expectancy of a woman in the U.S. was 48.3 years. For a Black woman born in 1900, the life expectancy was 33.5 years. (The racial gap in U.S. life expectancy has narrowed since 1900. Grandma Grace lived to be 105 functionally in her own home.)
Are we surprised a woman one generation away from our grandmothers is wondering how other women are feeling about being in uncharted waters? Women didn’t have the right to have a credit card in their name until 1974! Previously, men had to co-sign credit applications for women. I often wonder what my grandmother would have thought of the Roomba Robot Vacuum. Her Kirby vacuum, a prized possession, lasted throughout her life.
The comments affirmed what women in their 70s are doing today. The answer is whatever they want. We have to resist the urge to compare because we are all creating our path. There were women in their 70s responding with photos of them being active, others were with extended family, and a few women shared their adventures traveling. Others were facing health concerns, some were caregivers, others were working while most were retired, and others were navigating widowhood.
We are all going to feel uniquely ourselves depending on health, social connections, financial resources, and how we view aging. I am sure my comment was less than helpful. I encouraged her to embrace how she felt physically and mentally no matter how others felt. I also included a link to Older, Bolder & Better! (Shameless promoter that I am.)
One woman had helpful advice to another social media poster feeling old at 72. “Remove the words ‘years old’ from your statement and say, I am 72. It is amazing what a change in mindset can do.” A 2023 survey by the Worldwide Independent Network of Market Research says Americans start feeling old at age 52. Considering the fastest-growing demographic in the U.S. is 80+ many people may consider challenging their assumptions about aging. My motto is: Aging is Living!
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I really love this article. It’s interesting that we are always thinking about how old we are until 21, and then it doesn’t really matter how old we are until we hit Medicare age, (or AARP qualified age-whatever that is) but I hear people all the time pronounce the number of years they’ve been on earth as a qualifier before they say what they are trying to accomplish! The good news is, we are still accomplishing and accomplished!! And you are so right, we cannot compare! Each journey is our own and at Medicare requirement stage, we get to decide.
I really think this compulsion to judge ourselves is rampant at any age!