You're Well...Until You're Not
Tips BEFORE you're sick
Nobody plans to be sick. However, illness occasionally descends suddenly. That’s what happened to my mom in the Fall of 2019. On a Saturday, she was driving places, browsing at Target, going up and down the basement stairs—her usual routine. We chatted several times and in an evening conversation, she mentioned massaging a painful ‘Charley horse.’ Later that night, the spasm subsided.
On Sunday, she woke up paralyzed from the waist down. On Monday she was diagnosed with a rare spinal condition, Cauda equina syndrome (CES). On Wednesday she rebounded from a 7-hour surgery and began physical therapy a few days later. Unfortunately, five weeks into her recovery, Mom succumbed to a heart attack after she placed her breakfast order at the rehabilitation center. When the dietary aide brought her tray, she was gone.
In those five weeks with Mom, we reviewed her home management routine and important banking and computer passwords. My disabled younger sister lived with her. Even though my sister had an incredible caregiver six days a week, Mom coordinated her care. I also became Mom’s healthcare power of attorney during those five weeks. Even though Mom was 81 years old; her passwords were not shared and she had no healthcare power of attorney until she was hospitalized. Mom was, in many ways, a very private person.
My long-time friend, as the executor of my estate, had a copy of my post-divorce paperwork when I relocated with a toddler. I discussed my concerns, wishes, and intentions with her and Mom after my Indiana lawyer updated my documents to reflect local laws. I had to be more transparent as the primary caregiver of a child.
There are many concerns we don’t want to think about as we age. It is also important to have a plan if you’re not deathly ill. Many of my friends, male and female, are empty-nesters and living alone.
A 2023 Pew Research Center study says 27% of American seniors (65+) live alone. In the study, the percentage of older adults living alone increases with age, 44% of women in America over 75 years old lived alone in 2023. The Mather Institute reported as of January 2024, there are 22.1 million ‘solo agers’ in America.
What are some of the issues you think about living alone as we are aging? I would appreciate your comments as thought-starters for others.
I started a Top Ten list:
Who would care for your pets, plants, or home if you were hospitalized for a few days, weeks, or months?
Who has access to your home or car if you have an emergency?
Who has passwords and could pay online bills if you couldn’t do it yourself?
Who would communicate with your friends or business partners if you were incapacitated and unable to text, call, or provide a social media post to non-family members?
If insurance wouldn’t cover a rehabilitation stay and you were not comfortable staying home alone, where would you stay? Who could stay with you at home?
Will you stay within your Medicare (or private insurance) network if you had to receive medical care out-of-state?
Does someone you trust have access to or know where your important papers are kept? Is there an alternate person listed on your safety deposit box?
Would emergency personnel have easy access to your home if you called 911 and couldn’t answer the door?
Is there an emergency plan for tornadoes, hurricanes, floods, or fires? Is there an easily accessible emergency kit with medication, flashlights, batteries, water, and food?
What other planning tips would you share?
On a smaller scale, and because I fell super ill last week: have a dedicated stash of over the counter medication. Keep it stocked and in the same place so you can find/access it when you are ill. Also keep a variety of shelf stable foods for when you are ill. Along with some electrolyte drinks. Enough for a few days worth.
Great article Brenda! One idea to consider is a secure online password creation and memory system where you can have your loved one give you access in an emergency. It can have a limit on how long it takes that access is available. I'm on a family plan with one of them so my daughter has access to mine if something should happen to me and vice versa (its not just for older folks). Also several passwords are securely shared with her anyway .